Sunday, August 13, 2006

Insert interesting title over there. ---->

WARNING: This post contains some sycophantic self congratulations, and some blowing off of steam, and lots of introspection...but no dream descriptions. I'll spare you THAT. My dreams have been WHACKED OUT lately...I kid you not.

But if anyone's interested I'll transcribe some of them later from my paper journal.

This is a very odd entry...believe me, I'm ok. Just feeling odd and needing to spill my binary guts. Please bear with me. :P

I'm in a very weird headspace right now. Maybe I'm over-blank. Over-tired, over-stimulated, over-sugared, over-media'd, over-heated. Maybe I'm under-blank. Under-stimulated, under-exercised, under-fed, under-wear *.

A big change is happening, which isn't really big, I guess...but sure seems like it sometimes. More details forthcoming.

I feel like I'm saying that a lot these days.

I am SO SICK of feeling tired all the time. Today I went without a nap because I was at my cousin Kristy's bridal shower, and then went to visit Dave. The shower was really nice. :) I'm glad I went, but it's one of those odd things when someone you grew up with gets married. I haven't really had anyone I've grown up with get married, so this is kind of new to me.

Dave and I watched "Butterfly Effect" and it. Was. SO. Good. I'm really not an Ashton Kutcher fan, but he was amazing in it...just staggeringly good. The movie was unreal. We had the choice of the director's cut and the theatrical release and we watched the former. I want to watch the theatrical release in a couple of weeks. It was so intense that I couldn't watch it again sooner.

My brain hurts...not like, actual pain ** but sort of What should I do with this itch? Currently, I'm dealing with it by writing this post...but I don't know what I'm going to do after I finish it. I'm totally exhausted. I want to create. I want to sew or paint or draw or write...this hyperactive insane urge to create is very new to me and it's kind of freaking me out a little. I've always liked making stuff...jewellery, etc. but it feels like a switch has been turned on in my brain that is making me desperately need to spew creativity out *** onto something and it doesn't matter if it's a computer screen or paper, or a sketch pad or a yard of fabric.

*Just seeing if you're paying attention.
**Which, may I say, is a very nice change from the headache I've had for the last few days.
***Apparently just because I feel creative doesn't mean I actually write creative metaphors.

I feel like I should be further ahead in some things. I see people do things that they've obviously worked very hard at for many years and I want to be able to do them NOW. Examples: martial arts, sewing, painting, writing, gymnastics. Even lifting heavy objects...I don't like the limitations that my body currently has, especially with having been sick. I guess it's because my mind was so stretched out this year, and I've never really failed at anything mentally ** that I've tried to do. I keep meaning to take the Mensa test, because I'm crazy intelligent. Obnoxiously so at this entire paragraph. I heard variations of "not living up to her potential" a LOT throughout elementary school. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cheating the world by not becoming a doctor or a physicist or something. Other times I really honestly wonder if I'm just such an egomaniac that I believe I've got some kind of gift that sets me apart from the rest of the world.

*which I've never really I don't know why I expect this
**except Chem 11, but that doesn't really count because I didn't try because I hated it...and also certain logic arguments with Dave, but that also doesn't count because either Dave's a super freakishly smart guy with super logic training (true) or he is a big cheater head and clonks me on the head any time I start to win one of those arguments (I'm pretty sure that's not true...not entirely convinced though).

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