Can't we just cuddle?

An open letter to the cats I'm housesitting for/with

Dear Mojo and Jag,
Let's get one thing clear right away. I like you. I really do. I just don't think that our relationship can continue in this manner. I think that we should talk about the direction that our relationship is going.

1) We seem to have differing opinions about what constitutes affection, for one thing. Myself, I consider it to be showing affection when I pet you, and let you cuddle with me in bed. You, especially Mojo I think (it was dark sometimes when this happened), seem to like biting my hand when I pet you, and then get all hurt when I stop petting you. That's really not fair to me, getting these mixed signals.

2) Also, while I kind of like the feel of you licking my fingers, I'm really not a fan of it happening while I'm sleeping. Especially when it's my nose. In fact, while we're on the topic, getting a cold nose in my face while I'm sleeping isn't really my cup of tea either.

3) Next...you guys are HEAVY! So, please, when I have a stomach ache (yes, I KNOW I shouldn't have had potato skins and mocha milkshakes at 2am...) don't jump onto my stomach. You really are uncomfortable. Also, when I finally drop off to sleep, licking my shoulder isn't really condusive to me staying asleep and being in what you would call a "good" mood the next day.

4) Now, I know that you like me, and I was very grateful that you keep your claws in whenever you bat at my arms or my face, however, please keep the face-batting to a minimum when you've just used the litter-box. I *know* I didn't hear the water running after you went to the bathroom, so don't try to fool me into thinking you washed your hands. What? You lick your paws to clean them? Well, please see #2 again.

So guys, we're going to be together for another 24 hours or so. If you have any problems with me, please write them down and let me know, mmmm-kay? I'd really like to make this work. Thanks.

Love and kisses,
Oasis

PS. Please don't sleep on my clothes. I didn't bring any spares for today, and I'm allergic to cats and forgot my anti-histamines. Also, you've got an entire king-sized bed to lie on.

*****


And that is why I'm home and awake at 10 am on the last Saturday before I work full time for two weeks.