I thought knitting was supposed to be RELAXING!

My sock...the one I am SO CLOSE to finishing? I fscked it up. Now I'm ripping it back a bunch and cursing the whole time. *SNARL*

DAMMIT!!!!

My interview has been rescheduled to next week. WAHHHHH!!!!!

Grrrr...

OMG. I hate packing so very much.

Off to the island for a disc golf tourney this weekend. Wish Dave and I the luck!

Rabbit Update

Running desperately around the wheel...feeling sick because I totally dropped the ball on the tutoring thing and I think I'm supposed to be in two places at once tomorrow, but I can't ASK anyone because they don't know I've dropped the ball.

And that damned letter from the school board. I hate this. I HATE this. I can't deal with everything. ARGH!

Now it's nearly three am. I just want all my responsibilities to vanish for a few months. I don't even HAVE that many responsibilities! How am I going to cope with working? Or when I want to have kids? I think I need a few months in a padded cell.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. (and I typed each of those out...no cut and paste here!)

I just feel so helpless. *sigh*

Anger and Depression

Bad day today. My alarm didn't go off and I slept until I had to leave for tutoring. Checked my email and I'd forgotten a tutoring job I had yesterday. Got a letter from one of my school boards saying that they weren't going to interview me.

Fuck.

Can I have a do-over?

Furious Anger

I. Do. Not. Want. Advice.

Is that clear enough? Seriously. I will kick you in the butt if you give me any more unsolicited advice. I don't care if you're trying to help. I just. Don't. Care. Leave me alone. If I tell you not to give me advice because I'm working things out on my own, when you still persist, you're not trying to help me. You're trying to show off how much you know and that's all about you and what you want. You're just being selfish.

Don't tell me to "smile" when you see me in public, especially if you don't even know me. I'm not your little girl puppet who makes you uncomfortable when I'm not falling into your perfect little happy childish cliche. I'm not happy right now. And that's none of your fucking business.

****

Hi. I'm not in the best of moods right now. The above was pre-emptive, not because anyone's doing it. Thanks. Oh except for the "smile" in public. Some asshole did that to me once a few years ago...and it still pisses me off.

Things I'm doing to put myself into a better space:
-exercise
-time for creative stuff
-creating a strict schedule which allows me lots of time for creativity and exercise, while also getting stuff done that needs to get done.
-clearing out the deadweight of all this physical stuff that's in my living area. Enough is enough. Maybe I'm finally sick enough of it all to just make it go away.

So yes. I'm working on it. Thanks for reading the virulent attack. And it probably wasn't directed at you...we'll see what happens in the comments. ;)

Oh, you suck. And OMG!! YAY!!!!

OPEN LETTERS TO TWO SCHOOL DISTRICTS THAT I TALKED TO TODAY

Dear School District #1,
YOU SUCK. I hate you. And your crappy person I talked to. "Don't bother applying for another year." Bite me. Your freaking loss.
The Teacher (who can find another job anywhere she wants)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear School District #2,
You totally and completely rock. I love you and want to have your children (grades K-12). Thank you for the voice mail today telling me that you are accepting my application and sending it on to the next level (reference checks) because my references are going to knock your socks completely off. After that, I will give you the most impressive and together interview you've EVER heard, then the criminal record check will come back sans flaw, and you will offer me a job in your lovely, large, growing (btw, that means that you'll be giving me a classroom in the next few months...hmmm????) school district. Also, the place that you are means I'll be able to buy a place for much cheaper...and maybe even have HORSES!!! Do you know how much I love you?

Thanks,
The Teacher who will soon be working, thank all the gods.

Annoyed

Things that have happened this weekend to annoy me:
Friday:
-someone from my practicum had her orientation for a school board that I'd like to get into. I still haven't had a call.
-my car was broken into

Saturday:
-I organized my first Saturday in the Park and only one other person came out.
-people keep telling me to stop leaving stuff in my car. GOD. I *KNOW*. Stop telling me crap that eight people have already said.
-I forgot I was supposed to tutor this morning, so I cancelled since I had SitP. Great. Now I'm neither tutoring, nor doing SitP.

HOWEVER! I have home made borscht. It is delicious. The beets taste like carrot-y potatoes and there's a bunch of meat in it. This makes it just like delicious stew, except bright red. And I successfully carried it past my white, freshly washed karate-gi, without spilling even a drop on it. A good thing, since boiled beet juice is used for permanent-esque dye. Yes.

I think I need a nap before karate.

*insert strong profanity here*

My car got broken into again. Today. FUCK.

I'm ConFOOOOOOOZED...

Why is it that when I get up early to do stuff, barely anything gets done...but when I sleep in I can get to 11 schools, a school board office and a university in less than 4 hours?

Oh, and get a parking ticket because I'm stupid and can't read signs. But we won't talk about that.

Will Buy Sweet New Technology off You

Could someone please invent a "Google: Room"?

Search for: knitting needle case ((SEARCH))

kthx.

Doing stuff...

...being productive...

It's SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to not have a job...or prospects of one. Grrr.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm going to a billion schools in one district because I've got leads on internal postings. Then in the afternoon, I'm going to visit my practicum class for the afternoon.

What?! Don't look at me like that...it's not like I *MISS* them! No! I'm researching what it's like the first week of classes!

Heheh. I got to see two of them today when I went out to see my sponsor teacher and get some stuff signed. I was so happy to see them, and vice versa. One was Subject 392-B (previously mentioned here , here and photographed here). :)

Angst Central

*looks up at the URL entry field*

Huh...looks like this is still a blogspot site and it isn't actually a LiveJournal *. What's up with all the angst, then? I blame the steroids**. That's right...I'm suffering from 'roid rage. This seems to be manifesting itself in mild irritation for everything, ranting blog posts at two in the morning, anti-social tendencies and hyper-efficiency at getting to-do lists done.

Geez, except for the last one, it kind of sounds like me on a regular basis.

I'm not even in a bad mood right now, but I haven't taken my steroids yet...will report back later.

*stereotypical angst ridden teenage written LJ...not the cool ones that my friends have.
**for those of you just tuning in, I'm taking inhalable steroids for asthma and other lung/broncial tube issues. Wrong kind for performance enhancement.

Feeling Ranty This Evening

I have two major pet peeves. The first is when I'm treated like a child or otherwise incapable of something, especially something simple. The other is unsolicited advice, which kind of falls under the same category for me.

This rant brought to you by people reminding me to take my medication!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN TAKING DAILY PERSCRIPTIONS FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!

*pant wheeze huff*

Oddly, this is annoying me despite the fact that no one has mentioned it in the last few weeks. I guess my inhalers just aren't important enough to be reminded about. So why am I so irritated?

GOD, I've been moody the last week or so.

No, I'm not PMSing. And if anyone gives me any advice in the comments, seriously, I will come after you.

Holy crap...where is all of this COMING from??? Oh, I know what at least part of the problem is...my room has been torn apart and the space that I thought was going to be there may not be quite as big as I'd hoped. *grumble* Which means that that part of my room might be totally useless for what I had planned. Useless=bad. Useless after several dozen hours of cleaning and reorganizing=homicidal bad.

Oh man...I've gotta get applications done tomorrow. *cries* That's it. I'm going back to working in retail.

Grrrr...and WHEE!

I am very, VERY irritated.

And really happy!

And so frustrated!!

And rather pleased with myself! :D

And every so very grumpy.

And feeling groovy...da da da da daaaa da...feeling groovy...

*grumble snarl WHEE yahoo!!*

Aaaaaand now all this mood swinging is making my dizzy. What a fun day THIS is turning out to be.

A Big List of Stuff

(rant)
I'm in this class. We're regurgitating the textbook in presentations and that's all the class is. Grr...the prof hasn't taught us anything all term. Also, we haven't had any feedback on any of our assignments, we're losing out 14+ hours of teaching time (out of a possible 36) and we have a quiz tomorrow. ARGH! Now I have several choices. I can take this quiz tomorrow (Friday) and having a four day weekend and only needing to go to school on Wednesday, taking it next Tuesday and having a three day weekend only needing to go in Wednesday or taking it Friday and needing to go in Tuesday, Wednesday AND Friday. I need to go in tomorrow anyway, so I think I'll decide when I get there. I emailed my prof and hopefully she'll give me my feedback. I'll be a lot less stressed if I know that I had a high enough mark that I could just not take the test and I'd still pass the course. It's only worth 25% of my mark and I need 76% to pass. Yuck.
(/rant)

I followed a raven yesterday. It was pretty cool. :D I also ate vast quantities of huckleberries after picking them myself, walked through a Japanese garden and looked at some beautiful museum objects. I looked at all of these pieces of art that were all so different, but they all had one thing in common. Someone, somewhere had a vision of beauty, and they took materials...clay, paint, wood or wool...and made these incredible representations of their thoughts. This...THIS is what I want to do.

Today I went through a community centre near Chinatown and learned about the work that they do, including a breakfast program for the children in the area. It was awesome. I'd been worried about getting into an inner city school when I finally had my own classroom, but now I'm almost HOPING to be put in a poorer section of the Lower Mainland. I've got a bunch of ideas for how to help my students. We also toured Chinatown, including a Taoist temple. It was really neat! I burned some incense and said a prayer while there were seven or eight people (monks and nuns?) chanting and ringing chimes. It was truly amazing.

This has been a pretty spiritual week. Between ravens and museums and gardens and incense and picking my own food, I'm feeling awfully serene, despite the annoyance of this class. Could this be because I've only got two more class days??? I think it might be!

Also! I have an auction up on ebay via my friend...Phantom of the Opera tickets...fifth row, August 11th. If you're interested, please bid, or let other people know that they're there. Thank you!

Grumpy.

I am grumpy. And grouchy. I hate those words because they feel like inadequate descriptions and somewhat childish * . It's hard to find a word to describe how I feel though. I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm just...off.

You know...grumpy. Or maybe grouchy.



Reasons why I'm grumpy and/or grouchy:
1) My throat really hurts.
2) My stomach hurts.
3) I still have more than two weeks worth of school **
3a) I have no job yet. Yeep.
3aI) I have no money.
4) I have assignments to do still and I can't focus. Grrr...
5) I want to be creative and play with fabric and paint and clay (err...not all as one project)
6) My room is a complete fucking disaster. I managed to put away some fabric last night, but it's still really bad. I'm hoping that a new strategy will work...I'll probably give it its own post, because I don't really have much in the way of inspiration lately.

*probably because the first thing I associate with those words are cartoon characters and muppets. Grumpy of "Seven Dwarf" fame, and Oscar the Grouch.

**On the flip side, I've only got about two weeks left of school.

Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Two more weeeeeeeeeks.

I have an army in my room. (Uhhh...NNY...you might not want to read the rest of this. Close the browser or leave the page. No pictures, but you will be grossed out. Seriously. Remember the tick picture.) Let's refer to this army as "space invaders" because I hate even the sight of the shape of that word. Anyway, these "space invaders" are most commonly of the variety "familiar name for male parent, opposite of short, lower extremities". On any given day, I'll see three or so of them around my bathroom. Bleah. I hate killing stuff, "space invaders" included, but this was getting ridiculous. And I don't mind this kind nearly as much as the icky gross bleahhhhhh "space invaders" that I used to see. But then...THEN! I saw two of them ATTACKING AND KILLING one of the icky bleah ones! WICKED! One of them did it again today. This pleases me greatly.

So, here's the deal. The "familiar name for male parent, opposite of short, lower extremities" get to stay. If they venture outside my bathroom or on anything that is not wall, ceiling or some floor, they're open game. Otherwise, they can just sit around and do their canabalistic thing.

One thing that more than sort of bothers me...how many of the other "space invaders" ARE there in my room to support at least five or six of the others. Best not to dwell on that too much...I may just discover the answer when I start moving furniture around to vacuum.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS THREE WEEKS AGO??

Bwahahahah!!! I borrowed a laptop from the Education building equipment loan place from 1-415. Guess when TELUD is. I love wireless connections. Hehehe...

I don't actually have anything to say. La di da di da.

...

Our guest speaker hasn't arrived yet. *sigh* I just learned the breakdown of the final exam.

*rant* The entire year that I've been going through teacher training there are two things that have been the mainstay of what we've learned. They have been DRILLED into our heads. We've been told a) don't just stand at the front of the class and lecture. Teach to different strengths, allow students to discuss things, have different ways to explain things, do group work, art stuff, ETC. We are also told b) when assessing students, ensure that you don't just have a big final exam at the end of the class. Have little quizzes, assess learning informally (eg. asking questions and listening to class discussion), use projects and papers to see what students are learning, ETC ETC ETC!!!!

Guess what the format of TELUD is. That's right. Someone stands up and lectures to us for 2+ hours four times per week, then there's a final exam worth 100% at the end of this week.

ARGH. I guess this is a case of do what I say, not what I do. :P Grr... */rant*

*head DESK* *head DESK*

The major reason I didn't send in my application forms in is because I didn't have a cover letter. Turns out I don't need a cover letter. Holy crap. ARGH.

Mrs. Krabappel: Whose calculator can tell me what seven times nine is?
Milhouse: Ohh! Oh oh oh!!! Low battery?

Totally off topic...just wanted to share.

Two Lists

Things which have annoyed me today...
1) Being ignored by former cohort people
2) Not being sat next to during the Big Evil Lecture of Ultimate DOOM*, even though I intentionally sat in the area my classmates all sat in last day, AND even though I inadvertantly arrived half an hour earlier than the class started.
3) Arriving half an hour earlier than the class started.
4) This nagging cough that WON'T GO AWAY.
5) Having to get up almost an hour earlier than I did at Gigabyte.
6) Being left out of all of my former cohort people's groups when making up groups during class.
7) Realizing that I've got five things due in the next week.

*henceforth to be referred to as the BELUD.

Things which correspond to the above list of things that have annoyed me, but why they're actually good.
1) I've made some different friends.
2) I got to sit by myself against a comfy squishy wall and doze off during the BELUD.
3) I got to read my book (based off this website).
4) I get some sympathy from people because I really sound sick, but it's not really hampering my ability to do stuff. Except walk up stairs. And have long conversations without coughing.
5) Umm...I got nothing. This just generally sucks.
6) I got into a group and made new friends, PLUS I get to go very early in the semester, thus freeing up time for later. Which leads into the last piece...
7) I'm going to be finished many of my assignments early, which I did a couple times last year, and it's totally the awesome when that happens.