Weathered Boards, originally uploaded by Random Synapses.

Playing with texture.

Barbed Wire, originally uploaded by Random Synapses.

Playing with texture.

Peace

Two days of relaxing and talking with friends about the crap that's been bothering me. Knowing that who people care about me read this blog and then forcing me out of the house to be social.

Visiting with very young children, carrying them around until it feels as though my arms are going to fall off.

Knitting again, and getting into knitting flow headspace, where I don't think about my fingers moving and they just do, creating something out of nothing. Having my work appreciated. Teaching someone how to turn a piece of string into a piece of fabric.

Coming home to a space that has space, and is beautiful. Realizing that I made my bed this morning, totally unconsciously because if it was messy it interfered with my room.

My brain has been unkinked, smoothed out. It's like having a giant knot loosened, and then have it just fall softly apart.

Magic.

I Can Only Wish I Had Junk in the Trunk

Instead, possibly because of the superosity of cleaninganity which I succumbified to today (and the last several days, but who's counting? Er...I mean, countingidity...) I have gunk feel in my eye. I can't actually see anything in there and my vision is fine, but it feels gunky. Bleah. (I have no idea where all the distoritifying of the English language thingisms came from. I blameify the eyedropicanas.)

I had a great evening with Gwynabella tonight, despite us being exhausted. I discovered a fellow lover of the European smorgasborg meal...mmm...four types of cheese, smoked oysters, several spreads and meats, crackers and hard boiled eggs. This is also known as "The Meal Dave Will Fall Over and Die Before Eating"...or pretty close to it. Also known as "Exaggerated for Comic Effect". Gwyn was kind enough to chat with me about some of those amazingly irritating things that I've been dealing with over the last few days. Tomorrow, I'll be visiting with beverly_sutphin and her kids...which will also destress me. Hurray!

Breathing and Dreams

I had a very disturbing dream last night...not too unusual. It was about teaching. Also, not too unusual. It was about trying to break up a pedophile ring while brainwashed students and the evil teacher/counsellors got into my car and stalked me and tried to kill me? More unusual.

Last night I decided to go off the steroids because I was worried about side effects (no, I didn't talk to a doctor. Yes, I know that's stupid. Shut up, I don't want to hear it.). This morning, I talked to Dave and he (and the fact that I'd started coughing again) convinced me that I ought to go back on them.

So I did. And my breathing feels better.

The end.

And the moral of this story is that doctors maybe know what they're talking about. With their fancy "medical degrees" and all.

Angst Central

*looks up at the URL entry field*

Huh...looks like this is still a blogspot site and it isn't actually a LiveJournal *. What's up with all the angst, then? I blame the steroids**. That's right...I'm suffering from 'roid rage. This seems to be manifesting itself in mild irritation for everything, ranting blog posts at two in the morning, anti-social tendencies and hyper-efficiency at getting to-do lists done.

Geez, except for the last one, it kind of sounds like me on a regular basis.

I'm not even in a bad mood right now, but I haven't taken my steroids yet...will report back later.

*stereotypical angst ridden teenage written LJ...not the cool ones that my friends have.
**for those of you just tuning in, I'm taking inhalable steroids for asthma and other lung/broncial tube issues. Wrong kind for performance enhancement.

Feeling Ranty This Evening

I have two major pet peeves. The first is when I'm treated like a child or otherwise incapable of something, especially something simple. The other is unsolicited advice, which kind of falls under the same category for me.

This rant brought to you by people reminding me to take my medication!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN TAKING DAILY PERSCRIPTIONS FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!

*pant wheeze huff*

Oddly, this is annoying me despite the fact that no one has mentioned it in the last few weeks. I guess my inhalers just aren't important enough to be reminded about. So why am I so irritated?

GOD, I've been moody the last week or so.

No, I'm not PMSing. And if anyone gives me any advice in the comments, seriously, I will come after you.

Holy crap...where is all of this COMING from??? Oh, I know what at least part of the problem is...my room has been torn apart and the space that I thought was going to be there may not be quite as big as I'd hoped. *grumble* Which means that that part of my room might be totally useless for what I had planned. Useless=bad. Useless after several dozen hours of cleaning and reorganizing=homicidal bad.

Oh man...I've gotta get applications done tomorrow. *cries* That's it. I'm going back to working in retail.

Testing the t's

test...test...

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

ahhhh...much better. that was really weird.

revelling in the ability to type non-capital t's and other letters...i know they're called lowercase, but there is a complete dearth of t's in lowercase. there is an s though, and the s's were rebelling also. therefore, it has been proven for right now that the t's are in submission. as are the rest of the naughty letters.

don't know what i'm talking about? the entry under this one will fill you in.

Must think of the good...must think of the good!

Hello...feeling crappy again today. What the heck has this journal turned into? I oug...um, uddenly my keyboard i only aeping eain keyroke ...elp!!

abdefgijklmnopqruwxyz 1234567890
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUWXYZ !@#$%^&*()

wHaT'S Happening? Some keyS work wiTH only CapiTalS. oTHerS don'T work aT all. I Had an iSSue wiTH a SCreen reader program Suddenly opening wHen I HiT a buTTon aCCidenTally wiTH my long (To me) fingernailS.

I THink I'll reSTarT and See if THaT HelpS...beCauSe I don'T feel like Typing like THiS...wonder if a WP program will work...

Ah…good. It works over here, so I’ll just type here instead of there and copy/paste it all.

How irritating. I actually don’t feel like blogging anymore. :P Ok, I’m gonna see if I can fix this…

Ooh...Blogger Beta

I got the option to sign into Blogger Beta just now...but it's not looking much different. Maybe it changed its mind.

I'm feeling guilty right now. I feel like I'm a really crappy friend...and I'm a little worried about talking to the people whom I feel I've let down. Generally speaking, I like to think I'm the kind of person who will drive a couple hours and come see you if you need me to. Maybe that's why I'm feeling extra guilty right now. Incidentally, NO ONE has made me feel this way except for myself.

Could someone please tell me that I'm allowed to take care of myself first? I'm so exhausted all the time...I just can't deal with leaving the house some days or talking to anyone who isn't in the computer. Hell...some days I can't even deal with the people in the computer and I have to go take a nap.

See, now I feel like I'm just feeling sorry for myself and that I should suck it up, princess. Grr.

Anyway, this is a public apology, and I promise I'll talk to the people I'm meaning tomorrow...but I just feel like I suck right now and am very depressed.

Zero Motivation

I'm having trouble doing anything these days...at least, that's the way I'm feeling. It's really weird though, because I am actually doing these things I that I need to be doing. I'm almost compulsively cleaning my room and in my humble opinion, it's almost ready to be organized. (I gots PLANS baby...) I got really angry last night at the waste of space in here. Ideally, I'd like to pull every single thing out of my room, including from the closet, and slowly bring stuff in that deserves to be here...but unfortunately that's just not feasible.

At least I don't think it is...

Dave? Is it?

That's the way that I plan on moving out. Since I'm leaving from home, I've got the luxury of moving just my big pieces of furniture and then moving them all around everywhere in the new place to figure out where best they go, and then shifting over some of the other stuff, sorting one bit at a time. This pleases me.

Now, I am surprisingly articulate for someone who just woke up (sickness SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS) and hasn't eaten or consumed any caffinated items.

Happy Money.

Hm. Turns out I'm not going to be getting 10 shares cashed in at $44 USD after all.

Nope...I'm going to be getting almost 30 shares at $44 USD...that's about $1400 CND. Finally...some money heads my way. Now hopefully the thing that usually happens when I get some money doesn't happen, and since my car just got the brakes done, with any luck that's all of the repairs that will need to be done.

PISSED OFF. AND HAPPY!

SOME EXPLANATIONS OF THE PREVIOUS POST

Apparently muscle and joint pain is a potential side effect of fluticasone aka the not-purple inhaler. OW. I just about collapsed when I stood up from the table because my butt muscles and my hips were so sore. Waaaaaahhhhhh!

However, I got a letter from Michaels craft store. Apparently the place underwent new ownership and they're buying out all of their stockholders at $44 a share. I think I wound up with 12 or so shares while I was working there, so I'll be getting a cool $500 bucks or so. Ooh. That's US money too.

Next, I'm generally annoyed...I got a letter from one of my school board application people saying that I'm missing part of my application package. It's IN. DAMMIT.

BUT! I heard through the grapevine (generally a less than accurate source, but I can tell you the exact filter...but I won't, because I've got to protect my sources.[You have no idea how much restraint it took for me to not link to my source...s/he can reveal him/herself in the comments if s/he wishes]) different school board is going to be hiring a bunch of TOCs (teachers on call) which means I might get hired there. This is good.

Then, blah. I'm taking some stuff too personally...it really doesn't have anything to do with me. But I'm still irritated. And I don't want to get into it.

Hooray though! I managed to pare down my list of things I need to do some more, and I registered for Thursday night karate at Queensborough Community Centre.

Here are the details...it's a REALLY good deal and I can vouch for the quality of instruction.

Thursdays Sept 21-Oct 27 (six of 'em unless I miss my guess)
730-900 pm
Queensborough Community Centre
Call 604-525-7388 to register

Map is here.

I registered for two modules of it (another six week course starting November 10th I think) and it was only $45. That's INSANE...just to let you know. Most martial arts places charge about fifty bucks a month.

For more information, call/email the rec centre, email Adam-sensei at adamnicholson (at) shintokukai (dot) com, or email/IM/call me. My info (minus phone number) is on the sidebar.

Grrrr...and WHEE!

I am very, VERY irritated.

And really happy!

And so frustrated!!

And rather pleased with myself! :D

And every so very grumpy.

And feeling groovy...da da da da daaaa da...feeling groovy...

*grumble snarl WHEE yahoo!!*

Aaaaaand now all this mood swinging is making my dizzy. What a fun day THIS is turning out to be.

Giant Loophole of Ultimate Doom

Whoa. How much do you want to bet that Focus on the Family will be changing their policies after THIS has gotten around??

Yeah, sorry...boring list

There's a couple of actual posts below the list.

-finish applying for BCCT membership and TQS card
-finish applying to a multitude of school boards
-finish cleaning my #$#()#ing room
-help my mom organize our basement (I'm being bribed with the possibility of moving the sewing machine and serger into the room next to mine... GLEE!)
-burn DVDs of stuff my computer has recorded. (Two down, many to go.)
-get rid of 50% of the stuff I own that isn't craft stuff. (Living in the same house for nearly 27 years means a hella lot of build up. :P)
-find school library book
-photocopy stuff that my sponsor teacher loaned me (for that purpose)
-find stuff that belongs to my sponsor teacher and sponsor school that I forgot to give back
-register for karate at the rec centre
-remember to post about karate at the rec centre

Ok, so.

Being sick sucks. Being sick and not knowing what or why or if you're sick, sucks really hard. When I went to the doctor on Monday, she sent me home with a very strong perscription of antibiotics, to be filled if I needed them because I got much worse. So far, I haven't needed to fill it, but it's waiting patiently for me at the Burnaby Costco. Lurking...in the shadows...

Ahem.

I also received, as complained about yesterday, two inhalers. So far I've only needed the orange (not purple, DAMMIT) one, which I'm supposed to take every twelve hours until it's gone. It's a powder, which I've never had before. There seems to be a bit of a learning curve with it, or else I'm just naturally inhaler-stupid. So far out of the six times I've used it, I've hit my tongue twice, the back of my tongue once, the roof of my mouth once and the back of my throat twice. Thank all gods that it doesn't taste like anything... I'm pretty sure at least a little of it made it down into my lungs each time, since as soon as I let out the breath I've had to hold for ten seconds, my breathing is SO CLEAR that I can't really believe it. It's the oddest thing. Pre-powder, I don't feel as though I'm short of breath at all, but once I suck that stuff back everything clears up and suddenly oxygen is reaching my brain in a way that I don't think it has been for a month or so. (insert your own punchline in the comments...)

In addition to the inhale-able drugs and potential swallow-able drugs, the doctor sent me to the vampires. I casually mentioned that I've been sleeping roughly 14 hours a day for the last month and she stopped and stared at me. "That's not normal. I'm sending you for bloodwork." Sweet. I always knew I wasn't normal. Oh, wait...I went for a physical, not a mental. So the vampires took a piddling (er...bad choice of words...it wasn't THAT kind of test) measly two vials of blood in order to test for (lack of) white blood cells, and also to check my thyroid. You know...since all the cool kids are on thyroid medication. It was really nice to have a doctor take me seriously about a) how often I am sick (three weeks on, three weeks off, for over a year) and b) how tired I am all the time.

What other things about my health? Ummm...I think that might actually be it. Oh, one more thing. I mentioned my dizzy episodes and that my mom gets them too, and she's sending me to an ear, nose and throat specialist. This surprised me a bit...I didn't realize that they were still around, although I don't/didn't have any basis for that assumption.

IN OTHER NEWS:
My list of things to do is shrinking crazy lots.

I've been ensuring that I do at least one category every day, usually multiple things.

I'm being stalked by ravens...two raven related dreams in a week, then a raven hanging out at Dave's place, and now I'm hearing one near my place. And YES, the dreams happened BEFORE the real ones. I'm not so daft that I couldn't make the connection between real life popping up in my dreams. (although I haven't actually had a raven dream since the real ones arrived. Very odd.)

I'm seeing people I haven't seen for a while and they're all noticing that I've lost a lot of weight...officially, it looks like nearly twenty pounds since February (about six months). The holidays are coming (sort of...shut up. I was in Michaels the other day and their Christmas stuff is up. I get sucked into those kind of timewarps when I go there. [It was so bad when I was working there. Once, before Thanksgiving, I had a Christmas panic that I didn't know what I was going to get Dave's parents. Yeah.]) and people tend to gain weight during that time. Last year I actually lost weight because I read that the average weight gain from Hallowe'en to New Years was five pounds...so I decided to mess with the averages. Heheh.

I'm really looking forward to having a job. It's not just the money (although that will be VERY nice) but it has a lot to do with the annoyance of not knowing where I'm going to be working, in what capacity and so on. Also, there's the annoyance of feeling like I need to be working on getting a job rather than, I dunno...blogging...?

Crap. I should probably get on that. *SIIIIIIIIIGH*

Hey you...

Is there anybody OUT there?

/floyd

Life has been happening. I've been at Dave's since Saturday night and just got home this afternoon.

I was starting to get sick again over the weekend, so I went to the doctor on Monday and I have got DRUGS! Here is an inhaler filled with Salbutamol to be used as needed. I also have a different inhaler (which is NOT purple. I didn't know they CAME in purple!!! I want a redo!! Stupid orange inhaler. [Oh. I should go suck it back now. Be right back...])

Uhhhh...where the hell is it? I showed it to my mom today, so I know it's around...crappity crap.

I'll post again later, but for now...I am irritated. And exhausted. Just wanted to let people know that I was actually alive.

Baby Steps

Sorry that my posts have been so boring lately. :P

I spent another day with beverly_sutphin and family...SO MUCH FUN! Also...SO MUCH WORK!!! I was ok dealing with one kid, but two? Two is just crazy talk. I don't know how parents do it. Seriously. Both kids (27 months and 1 month) are absolute darlings, each at different stages...but OMFG...the sheer amount of energy required...

And I would happily do it all again. I had an absolute blast.

-Make to do list
-Apply for BCCT membership and TQS card
-apply to a multitude of school boards
-finish secret project #1
-finish hemming two skirts
-look for a Rufus stuffed animal (I found one online for about $15 USD, including shipping etc. I'm sorely tempted.)
-take a whack of film to be developed
-finish cleaning my #$#()#ing room
-prune my rose bushes
-look up when my doctor's appointment is for a physical (bleah) AUGUST 21st 9:30 AM
-help my mom put together our new kitchen (hopefully it will be finished by the end of next week...)
-help my mom organize our basement (I'm being bribed with the possibility of moving the sewing machine and serger into the room next to mine... GLEE!)
-burn DVDs of stuff my computer has recorded. (Two down, many to go.)
-get my hair trimmed and manicure my nails
-get rid of 50% of the stuff I own that isn't craft stuff. (Living in the same house for nearly 27 years means a hella lot of build up. :P)
-find school library book
-photocopy stuff that my sponsor teacher loaned me (for that purpose)
-find stuff that belongs to my sponsor teacher and sponsor school that I forgot to give back
-register for karate at the rec centre
-remember to post about karate at the rec centre
-look into gymnastics and hip hop lessons for sometime in the semi-distant future. (Club Omega in Coquitlam is probably the closest to what I want and there are hip hop classes at a couple of community centres that sound really good.)

My Fall Schedule

So, if I do all the things I want to do this fall, my schedule will look something like this, but with the addition of subbing between nine and three:

Sun: disc golf in the morning, gaming in the afternoon
Mon: Ultimate and/or gymnastics and/or beginner hip hop
Tue: karate
Wed: serger/sewing classes occasionally and/or beginner ballet *
Thu: karate
Fri: gymnastics
Sat: karate

*Oh my god, I don't even know who I am anymore...**
**Sorry, I know I said I was going back to brackets..but this was irresistable.

Sooooo...yeah. That's not busy at all...

Not to mention that I want to audition for a community theatre group. I think maybe I'd better prioritize these things, or I'll burn out before the middle of September...let's see...scratch out hip hop until the spring...gymnastics and sewing are drop in, so that's ok...gaming would be fun, and Sundays aren't too busy...I think I should leave off on theatre until I've gotten some dance and voice training...

Ok...so that leaves karate and disc sports as my chosen commitments for the fall. Do-able. Definitely do-able.

Now to acquire a JOB in order to PAY for all these lessons that I'm coveting...oh yeah...and moving out expenses too.